Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Confessions....

In 2005, Todd and I starting trying to get pregnant. After about a year, we had no luck, so we started looking into fertility stuff - and I decided to stop worrying about it and get healthier. I started Weight Watchers and lost about 20 pounds. I made my appointment to get my pipes checked to see if something infertile was going on down there. My fertility appointment turned into my blood test to see how pregnant I was!

Fast forward....twins....not losing the pregnancy weight after weeks of bedrest.....then Charlotte.....gaining more weight and not losing that....counting on breastfeeding to make me thin (What!? Why didn't that work!???)....and summer rolling around and realizing there were other moms in the pool (who had obviously given birth on their way to the pool) that weren't just skinny, but skinny and FIT.

August rolled around, and I went to New York with Daisy. We were late for the show, and had to run to get there on time. When I slumped into my seat seconds before the overture began, completely out of breath, and with blistered inner thighs, I realized it was time. TIME. TO. CHANGE.

I rejoined Weight Watchers on August 11th and weighed more than I ever thought I would. (I am confessing about my weight loss journey so far, but until I reach a comfortable weight for myself, I don't think I can tell you my "numbers" just yet.) I left the first day without attending the meeting and came home and cried in the shower. I didn't understand how I let myself get like this. I felt shame and repulsion. Embarassment and guilt. And depression.

Week 1 I thought I would starve to death. But it surely opened my eyes into how much I was massively over-eating. Not only would I eat a massive amount of food on my own plate, but I ate everything the boys didn't eat, everything Charlotte didn't eat, and then every snack left in every bowl they had. Plus late night snacks, sodas, chocolate bars at work, and m&m's galore. Tracking everything I ate the first week was illuminating.

Week 1 I lost 6 pounds.

I have now lost 15 pounds total in 7 weeks and I am feeling the tug of wanting to slide back into old habits. Hence, my going public. I need more motivation, and having to tell you about my SUCCESS will help me.

Tonight's meeting was about how those around us can help us. I am using my online friends now to motivate me. One of the things our leader said tonight was to be assertive and say, "I need..."

So, I will! I NEED WORDS OF AFFIRMATION!

4 comments:

Katie said...

You are looking awesome and I can totally tell that you are feeling good about yourself. You are rockin' it girl!! Keep it up!!

Bre said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel, Jane!!
I'm going thru my own battle of sadness and madness of how the heck did I get here?!?! I'm carrying around 50 lbs from the twins still and they are about to turn 4 years old!!!! WTH?!?!
I am so proud of you and the fact that you are making the effort to change and having tremendous results!! 15 pounds is AWESOME!!! Don't stop now. You've worked too hard to get where you are now. Don't let the nasty habits win. You can do this, girl!! KEep it up!!!!

Shannon B. said...

Keep up the good work, Jane! Sounds like you are doing all the right things to work toward achieving your goal!!

The Clearys said...

OMG I read the first line and though FOUR?!:) :)
Haha, I did the same thing when I was pregnant with Brianna and had to quit :P